• Dark Helmet: "Not so fast, Lone Star!"

Lone Star: "Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time."

Dark Helmet: "Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star."

Lone Star: "What?"

Dark Helmet: "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."

Lone Star: "So, what does that make us?"

Dark Helmet: "Absolutely nothing, which is what you are about to become. Prepare. To. Die."

  • Dark Helmet: "Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!"

Gunner: "Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best."

Dark Helmet: "Who made that man a gunner?"

Major Asshole: "I did, sir! He is my cousin."

Dark Helmet: "Who is that man?"

Colonel Sandurz: "He is an asshole, sir."

Dark Helmet: "Well, I know that, but what's his name?"

Colonel Sandurz: "That is his name, sir: Asshole. Major Asshole."

Dark Helmet: "And his cousin?"

Colonel Sandurz: "He is an asshole, too, sir. The gunner is a 1st-class, pallid asshole."

Dark Helmet: "How many assholes have we got on this ship, anyway?"

Everyone [raises hand]: "Oi!"

Dark Helmet: "I knew it! I'm surrounded by assholes!" [Puts face shield down] "Keep firing, assholes!"